Somehow? I am beginning to realize that perhaps those lunar peeps had the right idea? It feels like a new life and a new day, hence the layers of electric butterfly fields of music have opened up a new world. I simply want to forget all of the petty tyrant moods which have kept me from getting back into life. I miss so many of my old friends. I will never forget my soul shattering journey with Jorg online here as Giorgio. Yet? If anything cancer has taught me that we must let go of anything and everything like the Lords prayer of forgiving and forgetting. I observe as a tourist almost in my own lands, myself. I snap photos of the landscapes which abide within me like a complete stranger or novice. I have taken in a few precious flying dreams like a butterfly landing on a turtles head.
Somehow this multicolored life which was him, a rich yet tragic life has left fluid kites and banners moving in the wind of my soul. Fluttering stained glass moods with music blinking, winking and although I tried to hide like a turtle pulling it’s head snapping quickly into it’s jade ivory tower. The spirit and soul of this fluttering zoetrope light pulls at my heart like an Edith Piaf song.
I cannot reason with it, I cannot preach about soul nor religion. I can only marvel at the scintellating fresh growth of little swords, blades, battles of lush moist green and good deep chocolate earth against the past. I could never make sense of many mysteries which inspire me and like a Hungarian Magyar maze from Hungary to Finland? These days I have looked for interesting posts on philosophy which inspires me like Rinzai Zen to deep personal affinities with the Holy Land. There is no need to talk about it, I just listen to beautiful songs as it coaxes me to the faster and faster lanes out of my tortise shell with a butterfly flying with orange silk scarves inside the fortress of my shell.
We, I shall never know if stagnates in emotions or of the mind unruptured, unexamined or explored are like a pantry full of unforgivness? How often has life suddenly made so much sense where during the height of it’s intensity experiential had taunted the pink scales of the fighting griffon or clawing, sizzling with green smoke and alabaster scratching harpies. The futility of anger when I realize the deeper meaning could only reveal the masterpiece in time. How can anyone explain deep affinity? The Buddhists say that ones kimono sleeves are soaked in rich flower dyes of ashes, soot, leaves and flowers from the forests from lands which do not exist any longer. Then suddenly two people sense an aroma, an invisible song? A haunting melody wisps. They seemed to know each other in another life. We over analyse. When you lose someone you love? It’s as if you lost your first language and you are left alone to talk to yourself in rewinding of movies. Yet?
Yet? I don’t feel that way as much suddenly. I feel the souls of dragonflies and butterflies to dandilion starry wishes blessing me. I do not feel alone, I feel there is someplace, whether it’s over the rainbow just full of love. It comes out like sprays of scents, graffiti of soul. I soppose I should make an example but I am not ready so please I say to the stars bare with me as I thank them for lighting the way. The way into the New Year.
I will try to say that many strange things like a stalagtite meeting a stalagmite kissing. There are psychic things that happen sometimes. Like my knowing Jorgio. It’s not the time to talk about these dry scenes of base metals. In general, being vague… I often got the impression that he was frightened by coincidances. I wrote to him long before I knew much about him, that I would send some healing teas to a nearby Church and ask the Fathers to put the teas within a pew.
He would ask why did you say that? I never think really, I just dreampt of it. I kept telling him how nice it was that his Father was a Priest. He would say, why on earth do you say these things? How many times must I tell you that my Father is not a priest and that have I not told you? Yet, when he died I had found he lived just next door to a Church which in fact he was deeply involved with. HE never said one word to me about being religious, yet as he got deeper and deeper shredded by cancer cells,it’s as if his heart which was a camera taking photos of God.
It was a camera with sound and music. So, it’s as if the deeper parts of his soul photosynthesized with me.
Never in my life had I done a novena to Mother Mary! I was if anything a defective Buddhist. I got deeper and deeper involved in the spiritual life of the Catholic mysteries. A German women walked up to me and it’s as if she knew his Grandmother in heaven. She said and this is here in America, that she was going to pray for him everyday at 3pm and she gave me gold medals to give him. Why and why would a stranger do such a thing? I can only say that there is a deeper picture. I believe if analyzing, that what I loved was not Jorgio as I never really knew him, but a divinity persuasive. He said that once to me and I cried, it seemed so cruel. Now, oh now…. I see there is a holiness to art. There is a sacred weeping which emanates from beautiful music. This scent I was in hot pursuit of was perhaps a sacred force. I can only say that he wrote translations for Catholic documents I have now found.
This is why I say I remember deeply but I shall now forget the melancholy and the confusion, for the bookmark in the book of life now makes more sense and I realize it does not pay to worry as one day the stalagtite kisses the stalagmite scented with perfumes from worlds not our own. The dream and the destiny is in the seed and I must only keep the blades green, the swords piercing the soil laughing. It makes no sense to try to understand.
Therefore, now in my new life, in my new day I see it’s time for my life to begin again. I recently have learnt that he had a very rich life and great golden love during this life. He left a few hearts in relics yet better a disaster than a lack of being. I feel dizzy and intoxicated with music. Jazz, opera and there are no words and I am happier this way with music. I pray that my loved one and I can too say ‘IT’s a new Day’ with love. Who does not want a crown of butterflies?